Humor

Pfunday Pmonday – Week 2

Well, no one commented on whether they liked or didn’t like the silent P gag, so I am just going to run with it for now.  I figure the fun stuff belongs on Monday as a little extra pick me up for those who start the week off on a hard note for whatever reason.

If you have to laugh, I highly recommend this story out of Canada of a drunk man’s rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody.  I didn’t expect it to be as funny as it was when I read about it.  I won’t embed the video here.  The news story has a charm all its own.  Videos like this should be mandatory viewing to put people off of drinking for good.  One of the reasons I have never consumed alcohol myself is the fine displays of a few of my HS friends who aptly displayed the foolishness that resulted.  But those are stories for another time.

I had so much fun with the baseball stories last week that I saved another one.  My favorite team, the World Champion St Louis Cardinals, had a funny moment on the TV broadcasts during spring training.  A top prospect in the organization was labeled on TV as “Minor League Guy” when he came in to pinch run during a recent game.  You can see a photo of the screen capture by viewing the link.  I am looking forward to seeing how the new team comes together this year.  While I am sad to see Pujols go, I am glad to see Mike Matheny getting his first shot at a managing position.  May the Redbirds have a great year and get 12 in ’12.

In the list of truly laughable, I saw news that the NYC school district has issued a list of “banned words” that could be taken for an April Fool’s joke if it weren’t a little early for such craziness.  We wouldn’t want kids to be offended when they are taking a test after all.

And speaking of things that should be April Fool’s jokes, I saw a story on Fox News about a new push to promote “healthy eating” at church.

“A couple of years ago I came up with the idea that churches were sending people to heaven early because of all the food they served at church functions, like bacon and sausage and ice cream and donuts,” Dr. Amen, who is a Christian and a graduate of Oral Roberts University Medical School told FoxNews.com.  “I have been going to church since I was a little boy and the food in churches is just outrageous.”

This could turn into a non-funny rant if I am not careful, so I will try and save the rant for another post.  Rather, let me poke fun at this with a little bit of sardonic humor.  If we are sending people to heaven early, that would be a good thing:

A good name is better than precious ointment,
and the day of death than the day of birth.  – Ecclesiastes 7:1

To borrow a few words from my favorite singer/songwriter:

Don’t you get sick of health freaks? I always want to say, look Bud, you’re gonna die anyway. You may as well go out eating something that you like. (applause) What is the point of living to be a hundred and fifty if all you get to eat is bean sprouts? (laughter) I’ll never understand people, I’ll tell you…   – Rich Mullins (concert transcript)

Lighten up and live a little.  Let your Pmonday be blessed with Plaughter and Pfun.  And if you didn’t get enough laughs from today’s post, check out the fare from yesterday’s April Fool’s Day fun at SBC Voices.   All posts from April 1 are gag posts, including one contributed by me about the new list of banned words.

And if you need one more, I saw my favorite gag from ThinkGeek last night as well.

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Categories: America, baseball, blogging, Canada, Christianity, church, Culture, friends, Fun, Humor, ministry, SBC Blog Madness, Southern Baptist | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Pfunday Pmonday

I have decided that I am going to go ahead and try the silent P thing and see how it works for me.  Amazingly, I was able to hold a few more stories in reserve to bring out a few more chuckles for the beginning of your week.  I will get to the humor in a minute, but I wanted to thank you all for voting for me this year in the Blog Madness.  I checked the vote tallies earlier this evening with no expectation that I would be close, but you know what; I clearly overestimated my chances.  The winner in my region had more than double my vote total and had nearly double the total of any other region’s leading vote getter as well.  Even if I combined my vote total with the total number of votes of the winner of any of the other three regions, I would still come in second in mine.  Maybe I will get a better draw next year.  In the meantime, I know how several other basketball teams feel after this weekend.

On that note, let’s get in some fun stuff.  I found this story while reading at the end of last week and I can’t stop laughing at the video.  Someone should perhaps clue our esteemed president in on the fact that other nations can see him on TV even when he isn’t meeting with their leaders.  The Danish press certainly got a kick out of the fact that he has lost any pretense of originality in his compliments to other nations.  This video clip is on the site with the story, but I will embed it here as well.  Either way, you simply have to watch this video.  If he keeps this up I may repost my parody song from a year or so ago.

A couple of MLB stories hit the scene last week that made me laugh as well.  First, is a case of mistaken identity.  I suppose it can be confusing when two pro ballplayers have the same name to be sure, but can it be that hard to get the right checks to the right place when they aren’t even in the same organization?  My only real question is if one of those other Jeff Musgrave guys that are out there (one of them is even a pastor) could accidentally send a little extra cash my way.  I would be willing to return it (although a reward would be nice).  Other big league players are costing themselves money all the time in other ways.  Injury-prone Job Chamberlain managed to hurt himself again, this time jumping on a trampoline with his son.  If he has this on video, he could pull the daily double and maybe win of America’s Funniest Home Videos as well as one of those gruesome sports injury highlight shows.

Last but not least for the new Pmonday version of Pfun stuff, I know you probably don’t read all the terms and conditions on every single piece of software and website; but I am also sure you have never bothered to count how many words there are in the crazy things.  Now I am no Shakespeare, and I am certainly no lawyer; but I am not surprised to find out who is the more verbose between the two.  Unfortunately, lawyers use a lot more words to say nothing at all, as proved by some intrepid researchers.  Paypal spends more words than the entirety of Macbeth and iTunes outdoes Hamlet for word count.  There are all kinds of jokes available for this.  But the best one I can think of is my opinion of lawyers and these T and C’s in general.  They are full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

Categories: America, Culture, Fun, Humor, SBC Blog Madness | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Weekly Dose of Friday Fun

It’s that time again.  Maybe I should put these posts up on Mondays instead when people really need a good dose of humor.  The problem is that Monday doesn’t start with an F. Maybe I could it Pmonday Pfunday and utilize the old silent “P” trick.  What do you think?

Anyways, here is our collection for this week.  Starting out with the rather crazy news that file-sharing site The Pirate Bay is going to make their server system less susceptible to attack from authorities by putting the servers on flying drones.  No this isn’t a news story from the Onion.  This is apparently their intended strategy.  Of course, that isn’t the part that really caught my eye.  It was this:

One of the sites administrators, MrSpock, said with the advent of miniature computers such as the Raspberry Pi, a $35 micro computer the size of a thumb drive that includes a WiFi and SD card slot for storage, the site can take its servers far from any law enforcement.

Can you really get such a thing for $35?  Sign me up for a couple.

Next up is the incredibly funny mind of Mark Gungor.  I haven’t caught the show that this rant originally came from, but once again Gungor uses humor to drive home a more serious point.  I included it here, because this is laugh out loud funny.

 

In other news, I ran across a story that someone has listed a Tie-Fighter on craigslist for a mere $150.  I am so tempted to try and get the thing, but I think I know how it will turn out.  I will have to find working laser cannons for it and upgrade the engine and I will just keep sinking money into it until I can get it to do this.

 

This is my favorite of them all I think.  I have to laugh at this, because it is what I do.  I still can’t figure out why so many people are hung up on Apple.  They trap you in their little world and don’t allow you to do what they don’t want you to do (if they can help it).  Yet they manage to get people to stand in line for hours to get their latest gadget, just so those same people can basically become glorified beta testers for the some feature they forgot to figure out ahead of time.  It can’t connect to hotspots; so to make up for it, it is a hotspot.  And to add insult to injury, they monkeyed with their “smart covers” too.

Last but not least, after a strong start that saw me jump out to lead my region after day one, I am trailing by a whole lot of votes in the Sweet Sixteen round of SBC Blog Madness.  The leader in my region actually has more votes than the number of total votes that have been cast in one of the other regions, so he apparently has a lot more readers than the rest of us do.  I have almost no chance of advancing at this point, but I would still like to make the best showing that I can.  If you haven’t voted already, please go by and vote for this blog in the Golden Gate Regional.  And have a great weekend.

Categories: America, Culture, Fun, Humor, SBC Blog Madness | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

SBC Blog Madness Round Two – I Need Your Votes Again

Thanks to any and all of those who read here who took the time to go and vote for this blog in round one over at SBC Voices.  I am through to the round of Sixteen this year and so I need your support once again.  I ended up third in my region on the first round tallies, so I need a little more help this time around to advance to the Final Four of SBC Blue Collar Blogs.

Here’s how you can help.

  1. Go to the post for the voting.
  2. Vote for Jeofurry’s Jesus Journey in the Golden Gate Regional, it is the first region listed this time.
  3. Vote in the other regions if you want.  (other region blogs who would like an endorsement from here can ask for it now).  I haven’t made up my mind who to vote for in any of those regions yet as it is a toss up for me between two in each of them.  P.S.  If you want a few good laughs, be sure and check out the comments on the post.  There are some real gems of strange and creative humor there already.
  4. Spread the word to Facebook or Twitter and lets see if we can really muster up a ton of votes.

Thanks again for indulging in the fun with us for another year.  Personally, I look at this as a bit of discovering my anavah, the space that I need to fill up this year.

Categories: Anavah, blogging, friends, Fun, Humor, SBC Blog Madness, Southern Baptist | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Friday Is Just Made for Fun

This post should be a perfect mashup of all things funny, unusual and otherwise uncategorizable (new word that I know isn’t a real word, thank you very much spellchecker).  And when I say all things, I really only mean the collection of things I have assembled for this particular week.

First things first however, it is once again time for the SBC Blog Madness to make its appearance on literally dozens of computers around the world.  After narrowly missing advancement to the second round last year, I have renewed hope of advancing to the round of sixteen this year.  Mostly because they have removed all of the big-name SBC celebrity types in favor of guys like me with a handful of faithful readers and a plethora of occasional visitors who show up once and may never come back again.  And yes, I do know what plethora means.

Please take the time to go and vote for this blog.  You will find it near the bottom of the post as the first blog listed in the Golden Gate Regional.  At last check, I was sitting in second place in my region, with two other blogs just one vote back and the leader just a few votes ahead.  This year’s winner gets a place in the blog feed at the top of the main page at SBC Voices.  Thanks for your support.

Now on to the crazy story.  I am not sure that I would ever be willing to do something this insane, but I bet the view is awesome.  This guy is talking about breaking the sound barrier in free fall.  I remember reading all of the problems that the sound barrier caused for planes back in the WWII era (usually breaking it unintentionally and crashing) and after the war as they attempted to do it on purpose and crashed a lot too.  This might be fun, but it would be too dangerous for my blood.

I got a huge kick out of this letter that is apparently going viral.  It was written by a grade-school kid to a local weatherman who had come to speak at his school.  There is a bit about offering donuts served by unicorns that is pretty funny, but this part steals the show:

In full praise, Flint said Ramon was ‘more awesome than a monkey wearing a tuxedo made out of bacon riding a cyborg unicorn with a lightsaber for the horn on the tip of a space shuttle closing in on Mars, while engulfed in flames’.

Flint added: ‘And in case you didn’t know that’s pretty dang sweet.’

The letter also includes a drawing on the reverse of a unicorn presenting an enthroned figure with the words ‘your doughnuts, Master’.

The story at the Daily Mail also includes the picture from the letter, and it is worth looking at too.  I think I am going to have to find a way to work in this totally awesome compliment at some point in my life.  I might have to modify it just a little bit.  How about this: you guys who keep coming back to read this blog are better than a monkey wearing a tuxedo made of duct tape riding a cyborg unicorn with a lightsaber horn that keeps the donuts warm for you before he serves them to you with chocolate sauce to dip them in.  If you didn’t know it already, that is pretty high praise.

Seriously, thanks to all of you who come here to read the blog, whether it be frequent visitors or random read-by visitors.  To close us out, I just want to share with you a joke that my friend Eric told me on the phone a few days ago.  Unless I misunderstood him, it was made up by one of his boys.

Why does the toilet paper roll downhill?

To get to the bottom.

You can’t get comedy like that just anywhere.  Enjoy your Friday and have a restful Sabbath.

Categories: Culture, friends, Fun, Humor, personal, SBC Blog Madness, Southern Baptist, Thanksgiving | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Getting Understanding

7 The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom.
Though it cost all you have, get understanding.  – Proverbs 4:7

I have a funny post queued up for later in the day, but I wanted to get this up first.  I have been doing several messages in the last few months playing off of this realization that we frequently misunderstand or make up meanings for obscure or difficult things in Scripture.  It is based on something I heard from First Fruits of Zion a year or two ago.  I found a couple of video clips on youtube that give a fuller explanation of this concept that I highly recommend.  It will take about 15 minutes of your time to watch these two clips back to back.  It is time well spent.

I know the end of the second clip includes a promo for some of their study material, but I can say this. Their study material is some of the most in-depth and thorough stuff I have ever seen.  When I got my first copy of Torah Club Volume 4 several years ago, I went through it with a fine tooth comb to look for areas of questionable scholarship or theological issues.  These guys do a great job of providing information as well as the sources that go into their materials and conclusions.  I highly recommend their work to anyone I talk to these days and I always enjoy checking out their new materials.  I currently have a small wishlist going for stuff I haven’t yet managed to purchase.

Here is one last video that talks about some of the deeper Hebraic concepts in the Gospels.  Enjoy.

Categories: Apologetics, Bible Misunderstandings, Bible Thoughts, Christianity, church, Discipleship, Faith, FFOZ, Giving, Gospel, Hebrew, Holy Spirit, Humor, Kingdom, Questions, theology, Truth, Yeshua | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

You Don’t Get to Pick Your Own Nickname

I would generally be content to stay out of the fray when it comes to the new “nickname” that the SBC has informally adopted.  As a commenter shared on one of the posts over at SBCvoices, everyone learns in elementary school that you don’t get to pick your own nickname.  I had a friend in college who desperately wanted a nickname and asked us to give him one.  Unfortunately the first thing that came out was “muffin” which was said as a joke, and it stuck.  Here is a funny video of a nickname mishap that I just had to share because it reminded of that story at the time and it seems fitting now too.

The SBC has decided that they want to be know as the Great Commission Baptist Convention.  It isn’t a formal or legal name change, so it has earned the distinction of a voluntary nickname.  I really don’t have a whole lot of feelings about this one way or the other.  If anything, I think it is kind of silly and I fear that it has the potential to be seen as dishonest.  I was in Amway when they tried the Quixstar business online as a way of getting around bad feelings about the Amway name.  It didn’t work.  I don’t imagine that an informal change of name will do much different for the SBC, but time will tell.

Of course, self-picked nicknames hardly ever stick.  Look at Chad Johnson.  He legally changed his name to a couple of numbers just to force people to call him that and now he has had to change it back because his new bride-to-be didn’t want to be called by that silly name.  Self-chosen nicknames are rarely a good idea.

Categories: blogging, church, Fun, Humor, ministry, Southern Baptist, Truth | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Problem of All or Nothing

God is holy and perfect and commands us to be “perfect as He is perfect.”  Perfection: it is a standard that we all know we cannot keep.  Those who spend a great deal of time thinking about it are in real danger of driving themselves crazy.  It is this insistence of perfections that drives the “wretched urgency” that Michael Spencer, AKA the Internet Monk, used to opine about back in the day.

But we humans have a hard time with not taking this the other direction entirely.  Since we know we can’t be perfect, we have developed whole theological systems that essentially say, “why bother.”  Jesus paid it all, you can do nothing; so just fall on Him and do nothing.  What’s wrong with this?  You are saved by grace and that not of works lest any man should boast (Ephesians 2:8).  Right?!?  So just sit back and relax and quit.  Be still and know that I am God, if you will.

It is the problem of all or nothing.  If all isn’t enough, then why bother.  If nothing will get me there, then why not.

I saw an interesting quote from Dallas Willard posted by a friend of mine.

“In most churches we’re not only saved by grace, we’re paralyzed by it. We’re afraid to do anything that might be a “work.” The funny thing is we will preach to people for an hour that they can’t do anything to be saved, and then sing to them for a half an hour trying to get them to do something. This is confusing. People need to see that action is a receptacle for grace, not a substitute for it. Grace is God acting in our lives to do things we can’t do on our own. Grace is not opposed to effort; it’s opposed to earning.” -Dallas Willard

This is the problem of all or nothing boiled down into a couple of sentences.  That same Bible that tells you that there is nothing you can do to earn salvation, still calls you to a life of service and obedience once you have been saved.  Keep reading from that quote I earlier pulled from Ephesians:

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, 9 not a result of works, so that no one may boast. 10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.  – Ephesians 2:8-10

The problem is that if you don’t take all of Scripture to place a single verse in good context, you may find that nothing you say makes good sense.

We don’t handle this dilemma well.  Might I suggest a solution with a little humor in it.

“If something is worth doing, it’s worth doing badly.” – G.K. Chesterton

Stop making it all or nothing.  God takes care of it all, but not so that you can do nothing until eternity.  Rest period doesn’t start until then.  In the meantime, do all that you can, badly if you must.

Categories: Apologetics, Bible Thoughts, Christianity, devotional, Discipleship, Faith, Fun, Grace, Humor, Love, Salvation, theology | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Facebook in the Twilight Zone

Instead of a group of funny Friday videos, I thought I would share just one amusement for the week.  I have spent most of the week sick with a sinus infection, so I haven’t done a whole lot.  I was watching a classic Twilight Zone episode with the kids last night though and thought I would show them one of my all time favorite episodes.  It can be found on youtube in three clips, the first and last of which is below.

The story is about a guy who pays for his paper on the way to work and the quarter he flips into the tray lands on edge.  From that moment on, he can hear others thoughts around him.  It is kind of a funny episode.

This last clip shows him at work.  The speech he makes about how bad it was to hear everyone else’s thoughts (just around the 2:15 mark onward) is what made me think of Facebook in the first place.  It is kind of like seeing everybody naked.  Figures that a young male college student would be the one who came up with the original idea.  This post might have lost a little of its funny, but no worries.

Penny for your thoughts?

Categories: America, blogging, Culture, Fun, Humor, Signs of the Times, Truth | Tags: , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Funny Friday Again – A Time to Laugh

I haven’t been doing as much blogging lately, and I haven’t been stockpiling as much funny material for Fridays either.  But I found a couple of things that make me chuckle anyway so I am throwing them out there this week.  In honor of the fact that the winter up here in North Dakota has been the mildest by far of the 5 total that we have experienced in this part of the country, I present you this story that finally (not really, but one can dream) nails shut the coffin on the “global warming hysteria.”  Never mind that they took to calling it “climate change” a few years back just so they could play this kind of stuff as well.  We are now potentially headed for a mini ice age, just like we were in the 70’s.  I assume the credit for placing these images side by side should go to the website referenced in the watermark although I saw them elsewhere.  Things like this amuse me.  If you want to debate the “science” that asserts that man has a profound impact on the climate and has either made the planet warmer or colder at some point in the past, you are simply going to add to the humor.  You are welcome to comment, but don’t expect me to take it seriously.

In other amusements, I decided to check up on my old standby – youtube for some fun stuff.  The Lutheran satire channel has uploaded several funny videos since I last ran one, but this one on creeds was particularly good in my view.

Since the most popular post on this blog still hasn’t managed to answer the question of what translation Joel Osteen uses (Can anyone tell from looking at his Bible in the video perhaps?  Seriously, in two years time not one commenter has been able to cite a single translation that says what he said and it isn’t like that post hasn’t spawned a lot of traffic from others looking for the same info.  If any of Joel’s churchgoers do stop by here, please ask him for us.  We would simply like to know.), I figured I would throw out a bone in passing about that odd little creed that he uses as well.  I imagine most of the people who say it every week have no conception of it as a creed.  Maybe this can be a fun learning experience.

Oh, and since yesterday was Groundhog Day, I thought I would bookend the post by posting something I saw on twitter yesterday from another North Dakota resident:

We finally have enough snow on the ground that it looks like it is early December or something.  Not complaining about it myself so much either, but all of this thawing and refreezing stuff is not a lot of fun.  Have a great weekend.

 

Categories: adventures in the cold, Christianity, climate, Fun, Fun in the Northland, global warming, Humor, Science | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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